Caitlyn Skolnick, LCSW, PMH‑C
telehealth across New Jersey
When you don't feel like yourself anymore — therapy for mom identity.
You love your kids. And somewhere between the snack requests and the mental load, you looked up and couldn't find you. That's not ingratitude — that's matrescence, and it deserves real support.
Licensed Clinical Social Worker in New Jersey · Perinatal Mental Health Certified
"I love them. So why do I feel so lost?"
It sneaks up quietly. You catch your reflection and think, who is that? Someone asks what you do for fun and you draw a blank. Your calendar is full of everyone else's appointments, your camera roll is full of everyone else's milestones, and the woman who had opinions and hobbies and a laugh people remembered feels like someone you used to know.
Becoming a mother is one of the biggest identity shifts a human can go through — anthropologists literally have a word for it, matrescence, the developmental passage as profound as adolescence. But where teenagers get grace for their messy becoming, mothers are expected to transform overnight and be grateful the whole time.
So let's say the quiet part plainly: you can adore your children and still grieve the version of you that motherhood asked you to set down. Both are true. Neither makes you a bad mom. This is exactly the work I do with women across New Jersey.
She had opinions, hobbies, a laugh people remembered. She's not gone — she's underneath. This work is about bringing her back into the picture.
you are more than what you do for other people
What identity loss in motherhood can feel like
Tap every one that sounds like you. Be honest — nobody's watching but you.
Matrescence isn't only about what got lost. It's also about who you're becoming — and you get a say in her. That's the part therapy hands back to you.
How therapy helps you find yourself again
This isn't about "self-care Sundays" or being told to take more bubble baths. Reconnecting with yourself is real clinical work, and we do it together:
- Name the losses honestly — career momentum, spontaneity, friendships, your body's story — because unnamed grief runs the show from backstage
- Untangle who you are from what you do for everyone else, and rebuild an identity with you actually in it
- Renegotiate the invisible load — at home, out loud, with tools that outlast one hard conversation
- Rebuild the pieces you miss and permission the ones you're discovering — some women meet whole new versions of themselves in this work
- Quiet the guilt that flares every time you choose yourself for an hour
As a mom of three, I'll tell you what I tell every client: the woman you were isn't gone. She's been holding everyone else's coats. If this season also involves postpartum anxiety or depression, we can work on both — they're often braided together.
Blurry seasons don't stay blurry. Clarity is the whole point of this work — about your feelings, your needs, and the version of you that's forming right now.
An hour that's entirely yours — online, across New Jersey
Sessions are by secure video anywhere in New Jersey, which means this can actually happen — nap time, lunch break, after bedtime — without adding a commute to the load we're trying to lighten. How online sessions work.
Sessions are $225 for 55 minutes, private pay, superbills provided; many plans reimburse 50–70% out-of-network. Check your benefits here.
Questions moms ask about this work
Is feeling like this just... normal motherhood? Do I really need therapy for it?
Common, yes. Something you're required to endure silently, no. "Normal" doesn't mean "fine" — and if the disconnection from yourself is affecting your mood, your marriage, or your joy, that's exactly what therapy is for. You don't need a crisis to deserve support.
My kids aren't babies anymore. Is this still for me?
Absolutely. Identity loss doesn't check birthdays — it shows up postpartum, in the toddler trenches, when the youngest starts school, and every season where the role expands and the self contracts. Wherever you are in your story, this work meets you there.
What's matrescence — and why haven't I heard of it?
Matrescence is the developmental transition into motherhood — hormonal, psychological, social, all of it — coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael. It's as profound as adolescence, but our culture rarely names it, so mothers assume their disorientation is a personal failing. It isn't. It's a passage, and passages are easier with a guide.
Do you take insurance?
I'm out-of-network; sessions are $225 for 55 minutes, and many clients get 50–70% reimbursed through out-of-network benefits. Superbills and Mentaya make the paperwork painless, and my fees page has a free 30-second benefits checker.
Let's go get you back
Fifteen minutes, free, no pressure — just a conversation about where you went and how we find her.
Book your free consult